


Forget Me Not

by LFMH021



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Blood, Cleavers, Cussing, Foxes being a supportive family, Gen, Its Nathan Wesninski whadya expect?, Just Neil recalling memories, Knives, M/M, Mary Hatford is mentioned a lot too, Nathan is just mentioned a lot, Nathan's abuse towards mostly Neil/Nathaniel, Scars, TW: Abuse Trauma, TW: Childhood Abuse, TW: Depictions of Animal Abuse, That monster deserves hell, Yall know what I mean, also fluffy, this is angsty, tw: emotional abuse, tw: physical abuse, tw: verbal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 14:53:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFMH021/pseuds/LFMH021
Summary: Nathan Wesninski is dead but the scars and memories he left Neil with will take Neil day by day to heal from. That’s alright. He has Andrew and the Foxes. He has all the time in the world.With nobody possibly going after his trail, Neil feels safer and freer than he ever was. Knowing his family wouldn’t leave him despite his ugly past, Neil spills the truth about his father’s abuse since he was born into this world until Nathaniel took his last breath.Nathan Wesninski could possibly be the physical manifestation of the Forget-Me-Not flower.





	Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> Some authors have tackled Mary's abuse to Neil before and while they were on the run. I loved those ficlets so much but I wondered about Nathan's abuse. He is a fucking monster but I wanted to explore the traumas he left Neil.
> 
> The memories I wrote into this ficlet are merely my assumptions. Nora hasn't explicitly mentioned what Nathan did to Neil expect for several paragraphs here and there in the AFTG Series. Please do forgive some of my nonsense, I am in no way expert in this field or the medical field.
> 
> Timeline not distinguished. Basically, the events are not chronological. I might have butchered some minor canon events, forgive me. Not beta’d. KUDOS AND COMMENTS APPRECIATED TRULY!

Neil doesn’t know where the words come from. He doesn’t even remember who or what prompted for him to open the topic.

Nathan Wesninski was, is and will always be dead. Yet, Neil knows that the scars –visible and invisible—and memories that his father has left him would take him years to heal from. At least, he knows that he isn’t running away from them anymore. He has turned around and decided to face them head on because he knows this is a step towards healing.

Another step towards healing is slowly talking about it to someone he can confide with. That’s what Bee said anyway. Sometimes, it doesn’t help when the words remain inside of an individual – swirling until the thoughts become one big ugly head of a murderous nightmare that never stops.

Andrew and the Foxes mostly know everything to know about him and his past. However, he also has this feeling that he watered down the events way too much to them. He does recognize that they deserve better than that.

Neil has been thinking it over for the past few days – whether to admit he has made his childhood look less horrible when he told it to them several months ago or not. Even Andrew doesn’t know everything that happened when he and his mother still lived in Baltimore.

Andrew must have sensed something is going through Neil’s mind because even if he is a subtle human being, Neil sometimes could feel hazel eyes gazing on him. Andrew is curious but he isn’t going to force Neil for something the auburn head isn’t prepared for.

However, Neil makes a decision involuntarily one faithful movie day. It is raining cats and dogs to the point that no one dared to come outside. Poor delivery men from different fast food chains have been drenched continuously by students living the Fox Tower. Dan calls for a movie day inside their room, just the original Foxes, to get rid of boredom. Andrew seems to be bored enough to agree or he just agrees because Neil looks like he badly wants to join.

Either way, they end up in a pile of human bodies around the girls’ dorm room. They started with three Disney movies (to compensate to Neil’s lost childhood) and then Matt inserts an action movie as Aaron, Nicky and Kevin run downstairs to pick up their lunch delivery.

With laps used as makeshift dining tables, the Foxes continue with their movie marathon. Neil feels very warm inside, he is surrounded by his beloved Foxes who all seemed glad he agreed with the team bonding. Andrew is right beside him, the crowded room an excuse for the two of them to be closer than usual. Their shoulders and knees are touching, and this thought makes Neil heart jump.

Alison is sitting on the couch behind him, and she has one hand on his hair, just lightly scratching his scalp. He doesn’t know if this gesture is relaxing him or her.

When the protagonist pulls out a gun from inside a book he carved out in the first place, the Foxes around him exclaims their surprise in varying degree. Neil, though, snorts. The others eye him for his response.

He watch as the main character, whose name he has forgotten, jumps and then fires the gun thrice while running at a fairly good speed. He shrugs at their puzzled looks. “That gun is not great when it comes to firing something which moves.”

Dan seems to hesitant with her next question, “How do you know that?”

He twirls noodles around his chopsticks and answers at the same time, keeping his eyes on the screen just to take mental notes of all of its foolish mistakes. “At six years old, I had to run away from Jackson as he used me as a firing target around the house.” He doesn’t register the shock his words bring in the room. He smirks again at the impossible move the character executes. _As if someone could do that in that situation and condition._

Neil continues with a nonchalant, “He, apparently, was testing the guns Romera gave him for his birthday. I, later, found out from Lola that my father’s gift was that – me being target practice.” He slurps his noodles and almost chokes when they are longer than he initially anticipates. “Yeah, the protagonist better find a better gun because that will fail him, for sure.”

When he raises his gaze, he finds eight pairs of eyes staring at him with different emotions playing in them. His heart thuds in his chest. He has become way too lenient with his words around his family that he doesn’t even think for a second whether it is appropriate for the people surrounding him.

Renee finds her voice first, “Do tell me you weren’t harmed then.”

He musters the blankest expression he could make. “Jackson miraculously didn’t hit me. My father was pissed, though, that I wasn’t hit once so he tossed me inside my room and locked me inside for a whole day with nothing.”

The others’ lunches are forgotten and have gotten cold.

He doesn’t want to meet their pitying and sympathetic eyes so he turns to stirring his iced coffee.

“I hope he’s rotting and suffering in hell with Satan,” Alison spits from behind him and resumes her ministrations with his scalp. Oddly enough, he feels the tension sipping away with her fingers.

“Don’t worry, I’ll wish for that in a wishing well,” Matt remarks as he returns with a glass of water. He gives Neil a firm look and big smile when the auburn head looks up at him.

Neil isn’t able to read Andrew’s expression fully but he knows with the way Andrew leans even closer than he has the blond’s support no matter what.

 

* * *

 

He believes he would never get along with Aaron Minyard.

That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t tolerate the backliner – he is still Andrew’s twin and an integral part of the Foxes’ lineup after all.

So when he enters Matt’s room to bring back the game Andrew asked him to borrow, he tries not to murder Aaron when the latter throws a book at him for the noise he creates by opening the door.

Andrew just blinks at the commotion as he follows after Neil. The striker picks up the book, approaches the twin seated on a bean chair and taps the book’s spine on Aaron’s head.

“Ow! Fuck you!” Aaron growls and glares at Neil. He has countless posters, printed blank forms and open textbooks around his feet. He looks a second away from giving up and burning all of his schoolwork.

Neil frowns at the colourful poster of the human body down on Aaron’s lap. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Studying. Something you should also be concerned about to graduate.”

“Just so you know, Neil is nailing his Spanish, Math and English classes. He was even asked to tutor some of his classmates for several topics in Math,” Matt proudly comments from where he is washing the dishes in the kitchen.

Aaron fumes at the poster as he snarls, “Only monsters are good with Math.”

He rolls his eyes and picks up the poster to study it. “Oh, human muscular system,” He read and studies the labels and descriptions. He doesn’t protest when Aaron snatches it back. “Exam?”

“I have an insane professor who wants to quiz us tomorrow about how a certain muscle could be fatal and which muscles are most vital for survival. Insane, insane, insane!” He shrieks and throws another textbook across the wall.

Andrew watches his brother’s tantrums with expression borderline amused. He has eidetic memory after all. This quiz would have been easy for him.

Neil crouches beside Aaron, lays the poster down on the floor in front of both of them and begins to point at each muscle he remembers learning from his mother, father and his goons. He focuses on recalling each muscle that bleeds easily and how deep one has to cut to actually need stitching. He adds extra detail here and there.

“Wait, what?” Aaron suddenly interrupts. “How do you know that’s what it’s called when someone was strangled?”

He jumps when he finds the other Foxes peeking from where they suddenly turned up in the living room. They aren’t even trying to be subtle with their eavesdropping. It is kind of annoying and hilarious.

He turns back to Aaron, who looks genuinely curious and interested about what Neil is saying for once. Neil now sees why Aaron chose the medical field – Neil could see the passion in him.

He takes a deep breath and trails his finger on the poster. “I was home schooled. At three, my father brought me to the first killing I witnessed. At eight, he grabbed me again, not just to watch him murder someone,” he paused and shakes his head when memories start to fill his mind. Andrew’s hand on the nape of neck certainly helps.

“He brought me there to sit and listen attentively as he home schooled me about human anatomy by carving real human flesh. He strangled that victim before chopping him up. Afterwards, when I wasn’t able to answer one of his questions, he turned to me and strangled me ‘til I blacked out. I never forgot _that_ term ever again.”

The bruises of his father’s fingers around his neck stayed for almost a week. His mother was greatly displeased and scolded him for not memorizing everything he was taught with to avoid the punishment.

“Wasn’t your mother there?” Nicky murmured, face going paler every minute.

“She wasn’t usually allowed to join unless my father told her so. It was only once. _I,_ on the other hand, was a different case. He said he loved seeing the fear in my eyes.”

He lifts his gaze when Renee kneels before him. She smiled warmly at him. “We’re proud of you for surviving despite everything, Neil.”

He doesn’t know he was yearning to hear those words, he doesn’t even know how long since someone told him he was someone to be proud of. He clenches his jaw and let his upper half fall towards Renee. She welcomes him with open arms.

When he turns his head, he finds Kevin staring at him with horror-struck expression. Oh, right, Kevin was there once to witness a man being cut up. That must have been too traumatizing enough for him. Neil was actually glad his father never got to lay a finger on any of them. They don’t deserve that.

He smiles shakily at his fellow striker, reassuring him that the horror of their life was gone. They only have Exy to worry about now.

Neil turns his head again when a finger taps his own. He is surprised with the expression on Andrew’s face. He looks like he was a minute away from resurrecting Nathan Wesninski and carving the man himself.

He lifts a finger and taps Andrew’s hand back. _“I’m okay. It’s okay,”_ He says in Russian.

 

When they are about to go for midnight practice, Neil is surprised to find Aaron waiting beside their room. The backliner huffs and crosses his arms. “Thanks, I guess, for your fucked up way of teaching me my anatomy lesson. It helped more than I thought.”

“You’re welcome?” He answers, uncertain how to cross the grounds with Aaron.

With that, Aaron disappears back inside their room.

 

* * *

 

 

There is a carnival a town away, and after much pleading, Wymack has set the Foxes free three hours earlier than usual this afternoon. Abby seems like she, too, is interested on what the carnival holds so the Palmetto State Foxes all ride towards the other town to check this anomaly out.

It is bursting with people. The Foxes know it was a good idea to not wear anything Exy-related because they would turn heads. Wymack gives the whole team two hours to roam and then all eleven of them will ride back towards Palmetto together.

The bunch separates to smaller groups for an hour before subconsciously gathering again. Since most rides are occupied, they opt to try the smaller booths’ games.

Matt effortlessly nails the game wherein he lifts himself by holding on a pole several feet above the ground. He wins a giant stuffed dog when he manages to stay for more than two minutes. He immediately gives it to Dan.

Kevin tries his luck with the tower of cans. He buys five balls. The Foxes do not even bat an eye when the ex-Raven crushes a tower onto the ground on the first try. “Show off,” Nicky huffed with a laugh.

Andrew doesn’t participate. He mostly stands on a side, eating sweets, such as candy floss, ice cream, milkshake, and candied strawberries.

The last game they pass by catches Neil’s eyes. He stops on his tracks as he stares on the board of cards plastered on the wall about five feet away from the counter.

The Foxes curiously halt and gaze back on the booth’s game. “You wanna try?” Renee asks with an encouraging nod.

The man from the booth smiled widely. “I will hand you over four darts or small knives, whichever you prefer, and then you need to hit any of the cards. The white borders and the spaces between cards are not counted. Two hits, small prize. Three, medium. Four out of four and you get this giant fox stuffed toy!”

“How many giant stuffed toy can a person win at a time?” He asks as he picks up the dart to weigh it. He then weighs one of the small knives usually used by circuses.

The man seems confused. “Two.”

Neil smirks and takes out his wallet. He hands over the money and picks up the knives beside the man. He steps behind the line on the floor and eyes the cards.

“Don’t embarrass yourself,” Aaron mocked.

“Shush,” Alison scolds. “I’m taking a video and you’re ruining this solemn moment.”

He sends Andrew, who is watching him with open interest, a small smile before he turns towards the front again. He throws a knife up in the air and upon catching its hilt he sends one knife on the center of the middle card.

“That’s one!” The man exclaims.

Neil then throws the remaining knives consecutively with just barely a second interval. Each one hits the center of his targets.

“T-That’s four! Congratulations!” The man stutters with evident shock of the sudden turn of events. One moment Neil has the knives, the next they are on the board, shaking with the force of Neil’s throw.

“Hand them over. I’m gonna win two,” Neil mutters and offers a palm up. The man hurries to take the knives out and quickly hands them over to Neil. “Thanks,” He whispers and eyes the corner cards.

With swift moves, the knives hit the upper right, upper left, lower left and lower right cards in quick succession. He scoffs and looks up at the giant stuffed Foxes. “I want the two orange ones.”

The man, who is staring at the knives Neil just threw, goes out of his trance and jumps out of his booth. He tugs on the two orange Foxes and pushes them into Neil’s arms. His uncertain smile turns wide. “You’re astounding! Thank you! Your wins just made my booth more popular.”

Neil looks over his shoulder and tenses upon finding almost hundreds of people surrounding them. Half are staring at Neil in awe and half look interested on trying next. “Thanks!” He squeaks, grabs Alison’s arm and runs out of the crowd.

The still-silent Foxes tail after him. When they are out of anyone’s ear, he is bombarded by varying questions of, “What the fuck was that?”

Wymack and Abby, who are lounging on a bench a meter from them, turn and approach them in curiosity. Alison plays the video for the two adults. Eleven pairs of eyes stare at him.

He shoves one of the giant Foxes at Kevin and buries his face at the back of the one in his arms. “Lola taught me how to throw knives,” He whispers. He inhales the scent of the stuffed toy. “She used dead pigs’ parts as targets. You just learn how to throw them perfectly when your father watched time to time and would carve on the body parts you didn’t hit.”

He blinks when another pair of Fox arms wrap him from the back. A hand even pats his head. “There, there. You’re safe now from that monster.”

He lifts his eyes and finds his Foxes with understanding expressions. Matt and Nicky hold the Fox toy behind him.

“You looked so badass. Sorry for making you recount a bad memory,” Nicky says.

Andrew shoves past him and gives Neil a look. “I’m grabbing five more sticks of candied strawberries and no one can stop me.” It is an invitation. Invitation to turn the night better, invitation to erase the memory that was accidentally resurfaced.

He nods and trails after the goalkeeper.

“Ooohh, me too, me too!” Dan agrees.

Kevin yells an ignored, “But, guys, _cavities! Calories! ”_

 

* * *

 

Neil scrolls through his private Instagram account and smiles at the cat and dog videos he passes through. He chuckles at an idiot cat who jumps and unsuccessfully ends up on the floor.

“Andrew, can we adopt a cat after graduation?” It is a tall order especially when it comes to prospects of them still being together after graduation. Forever and future are still two words Neil and Andrew are still not used to.

Andrew doesn’t miss a beat, though, as he blows his smoke out of their room’s open window. “You can barely take care of yourself.”

He licks his lips and smiles at another cat who rhythmically meows whenever its owner lifts his hand away. “It just seems fun to have one.”

“What do you even know about pets?”

“Not much. My father didn’t let me keep one for more than three weeks”

He says this so casually, he doesn’t realize what he spills until he is met with silence. He blinks and swallows before looking back at Andrew. Those hazel eyes have become hard and dark whenever Neil mentions either of his parents. The blond especially despises Neil’s father. He believes that if Nathan still roamed this world, Andrew would volunteer to look for the guy and stab him himself.

“What did the fucker do?” Andrew snarled, standing up to sit beside Neil on the other bean chair. He plucks the phone from Neil’s hand and watches the video Neil has been watching on loop since earlier.

Neil turns and shifts his position to stare at Andrew. “At five, he gifted me with a small chick. You know the ones who are dyed and would die in few days?” Andrew nods. “Well, it didn’t even last a day because he decapitated it in front of me just out of fun.

The next one was a kitten I found hiding outside of my window. It was malnourished and weak. I tried to nurse it back to health stealthily but after three weeks, he found out about it. He pulled my hair when I tried to stop him from throwing the poor thing across the wall. It died immediately. Since then, I never thought twice about pets. I don’t want one killed because I wanted a companion.”

Andrew’s eyes are on him but he doesn’t dare look back because he isn’t certain what emotion he is currently showing and what it could morph to once his eyes find Andrew’s. Instead he pinches small Styrofoam balls inside the chair between his thumb and forefinger.

“Head’s up.”

He barely catches his phone that Andrew throws at him. He blinks when Andrew stands up. “Andrew?”

The goalkeeper picks up his phone, cigarette pack, match box and then sets his armbands straight. “Stand up, we’re going out.”

Neil stands up and follows after Andrew in silence. “Where to?” He asks.

He doesn’t expect Andrew’s apathetic, “The nearest cat café. We couldn’t adopt a pet yet because I could barely keep you alive. So we’re settling with the easiest thing to keep you from moping around. It’s annoying.”

He understands the hidden message within those words and couldn’t help the smile on his face. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

All eyes turn to him when he comments offhandedly, “Never have I ever bathed in a bathtub.”

“What?” Nicky shrieks. “Neil, you’ve been living in Fox Tower for almost two years! The bath tub in our rooms could be used _anytime!_ ”

Alison scrunches her nose at him. “How do you take a bath then?”

He rolls his eyes at them and swirls his drink. “There’s the shower, you know.”

“Why, though? I’ve been deprived of many things but I _have_ bathed in bath tubs,” Kevin mutters as he downs another shot of vodka without prompt. It is a miracle how this man hasn’t suffered alcohol poisoning yet.

He flips the bird at his co-striker. “Well, Mr. Superstar, I have a valid reason for hating bath tubs unlike Your Highness who must be so used with being pampered all year round.”

“Ooohhh burned!” Matt yells, laughing.

“You and your issues. Why the fuck would you hate bath tubs?” Aaron scoffs, shoving Nicky’s face away when Nicky tries to peek into the message between the blond backliner and a certain Vixen.

He shrugs and watches with swirl of his drink in his cup. The rhythmic flow and rotation of the liquid actually relaxes him that he doesn’t even half a mind to water down one of his worst traumas, “I almost died because a bath tub. Maybe I wasn’t quiet enough. Maybe I wasn’t still enough. Maybe I wasn’t good enough. Or perhaps he just despised me the moment I was born but after a certain visit from the FBI, my father picked me up by my arm and pushed me inside the bathroom.”

Neil yawned and looked longingly at Andrew’s shoulder. The cold weather paired with the alcohol aren’t helping his exhausted body and mind. Andrew shifts his shoulder closer to Neil so the auburn head gingerly places his head on the goalkeeper’s broad shoulder he admires. When Andrew doesn’t tense up, Neil snuggles a bit more, welcoming the warmth.

He hums and continues with closed eyes, “He filled the bath tub. I thought he was going to give me a bath since I was just four then. Just about to turn five. I barely knew anything. He shoved me on my knees, grasped my wrists behind my back with one strong hand and grabbed the back of my head with the other. Before I knew it, he was dunking my head in the bath tub—under water.

Once, twice, thrice until I lost count. I hardly had time to breathe in between. He was yelling things I couldn’t remember…then he pushes my head underwater for more than three minutes, more than five? I don’t know. The next time I opened my eyes, my mom was arguing with my father in my bedroom as I try to regain my breathing. Apparently, I was almost dead when my mom found us and intervened.”

Renee’s tone was cautious yet hard, as if she could barely remain calm, “Neil, you do realize that you didn’t prompt that abuse, right?”

“Maybe. Could have avoided it, though, if I remained in my room when the FBI arrived.”

“No. That’s not how it should have been. If the FBI didn’t find out that day, it meant you didn’t do anything wrong!” Dan protested.

“That’s not how my father’s brain worked,” He responds and snuggles even closer to Andrew. He welcomes the tight clasp of Andrew’s fingers at the back of shirt. He yawns again and inhales Andrew’s addicting scent. “It’s done. I still hate bath tubs. But I don’t hate showering with anyone anymore since I met you guys. I’m okay. It’ll be okay,” He slurs and accepts the sleep that takes over him.

 

His past has come out in unlikely times and as offhanded comments or topics. He sees it as sign of healing when he is able to say these things so casually without his breath hitching, his chest tightening and sanity questioned.

“He once kept me inside the same place as he kept the mutilated bodies. It was to hide me from an investigating pair of policemen. I suspect the smell is the same as the one in the movie currently,” He mutters as he munches his popcorn. He especially hated the way he felt like the man’s eyes followed him inside the shed.

The next time is when he catches the flu. He is lying on his bed, a cold damp towel on his forehead as he tries to remain conscious until Andrew finishes cooling the porridge so Neil could eat.

“My father hated it when I got sick. He would beat the sickness out of me. My mom got that from him, I think, since she hated it too when I got sick or injured because it could cause our life.” He rolls to his right with closed eyes. His head is killing him. The medicine isn’t helping his talkativeness. “Scars and bruises versus sickness? Of course I chose the latter.”

He stops when Andrew shuts his mouth with a hand. “Shut up. Your parents are dead. Fuck them. They are the worst set of individuals on Earth. You are more than they made you go through. You own this life. Fuck the scars, lessons and memories they left. You still have almost sixty to seventy years. You’ll outlive them and the bad things they left to you.”

He smiled at the blond and leans into the hand on his cheek. He hums and nods. Andrew’s hand is cold and despite the calluses and its hardness, Neil finds nothing but comfort and ease from this hand. So unlike his father’s.

 

* * *

 

 

Wymack opens the door to the original Foxes and let them in the inner court. He shuts the door behind him and faces his team with a grim expression. Abby is pale as stands in a corner, watching them.

“What’s up, Coach? Why the sudden meeting?” Matt asks as he sits on his usual seat.

The rest of the team sit on their designated seats and get comfortable as Wymack sighs and stands in front of the nine individuals. He takes a deep breath, glances at Neil and then takes out an envelope. “I found this on my mailbox. It’s from the Feds. They thought it best to leave it to me since the Fox Tower has way too much occupants.”

Neil tenses up at the mention of the FBI. He tries to remember whether he has violated any part of their deal and comes up empty. He grits his teeth as Wymack opens the envelope and pulls out a DVD.

Wymack is now staring at Neil. “Neil, the FBI found this in your Baltimore home. They wanted to know whether you would allow it to be played during the trial and be used as evidence towards the case.” He sighs and opens the television. “They warned that it contains depictions of violence. It is highly disturbing, they mentioned, but is a vital proof.”

He badly wants to bolt and not return in this room for hours but Andrew’s hand on the back of his neck grounds him so he takes a deep breath. “Play it.”

“Are you sure? I just wanted to warn the Foxes about the reaction this might bring—“

“I promised to stop running. Whoever alias of me would be shown isn’t me anymore. I’m Neil Josten,” He shakily yet determinedly states.

Abby nods and places the DVD inside the player before pressing ‘play.’ The whole room waits in tense silence as the video starts with just clatters. They all jump when someone starts screaming.

Neil belatedly realizes it was him. The camera pans on an auburn head child in a crib. The infant was screaming and crying. Then the door slammed open and strode in Nathan Wesninski. “What the fuck are you screaming about, you useless child?”

Nathaniel Wesninski, who was a year and few months old, in the video, just continued screaming. Nathan shoves a bottle of milk but that wasn’t what the child wanted. The older man checked the infant’s diaper and found it empty and dry. “What the actual fuck?” Nathan seethed.

There was collective gasp in the room as Nathan finally lost his temper, shown through the video, and slammed a palm on the child’s cheek. He tossed the infant on his own crib. He did these thrice before Nathaniel finally gave up and ended up hiccupping.

“Mary! You take care of your worthless kid or I will chop him myself and then throw him in the ocean!” Nathan screamed as he walked out of the room.

The poor infant hiccupped before blindly looking for something on his crib. He picked up the pacifier at the corner of his bed and placed it on his mouth. Still hiccupping, the child jumped as Nathan slammed the door shut again.

 

The next part of the video is a brief memory he remembers when he was about four of five. The camera showed a distressed Mary striding in the room with an unconscious Nathaniel in her arms. He was filthy and bloodied. His shirt was torn in different places. He had cuts on his front and his whole body was covered with patches of dirt.

“How dare you bury my son alive on the backyard?” She screamed.

Neil doesn’t acknowledge the horror-stricken eyes that look at him suddenly with the words his mother utters in the video.

Nathan cackled from behind the camera. “He could barely cut a pig, Mary. A wimp is no use for me and our family. So I carved him myself, showed him why I adore knives and cleavers when it comes to killing my victims. He bled quickly and then fainted. Figured I should cut his sufferings so I toss him on a makeshift grave—“

“—Alive! He was alive!” Mary snarled.

“Alive, dead – what is the difference, really? Nathaniel’s uselessness will be the death of him anyway. Why not end his suffering early on?”

“You’re a fucking monster!”

There was laughter in Nathan’s voice as he quipped with, “I know. Your point?”

 

The video ends with that, and the room settles with tense silence.

Dan stands up, takes out the DVD, and faces Wymack with a hard expression. “Tell me you copied this file in your computer, Coach.”

Wymack nods. “I did. That’s not even the original one. I kept the original safe in case Neil wants to use it in the future in the court.”

Dan gives him a curt nod, then looks at the DVD in her hand with clenched jaw. “I hope you burn in hell. I hope Satan places you inside a pot of boiling water and makes you suffer for eternity, Nathan Wesninski,” She hisses then throws the DVD on the wall. It bounces and falls on the ground. She storms towards it and steps on it as she cusses Neil’s father from six feet under.

Andrew stands up from beside him and walks out of the stadium with tense shoulders and unreadable expression. Neil knows it is best to give the blond several minutes on his own.

He turns when Renee suddenly knees before him. He tries not to flinch as she slowly picks up his hands with her own gentle ones. His tenseness evaporates when her usually tender eyes are replaced by orbs that showed nothing but repressed anger and fury. “Neil, I know that I can’t undo the past. I also couldn’t live regretting not killing your father myself. So please tell me if you find any of his subordinates, I volunteer to eradicate them myself. I feel like that is the only way I could repay for not being there for you enough.”

He wouldn’t be surprised if she borrows the knives from Neil himself. He could almost imagine Andrew and Renee meeting up just to plot how to murder his father’s goons. For some fucked up reason, this makes him feel warm with gratitude. To think Renee is willing to use her past skills that she tries hard not to hinder her repentance, to murder just so Neil could live with no worries, it makes him feel special.

He squeezes her hands. She smiles up at him.

Alison doesn’t say anything but she gives him a long kiss on the forehead.

Dan is still cussing and stomping on the poor DVD. If she is a witch who can do curses, his father must be burning painfully now.

Aaron stands up with his phone out. “Josten,”

He turns towards the twin.

They don’t meet eyes but he can see how tight Aaron’s grip is around his phone. “Give me all the documents for your trial. I’ll ask our lawyer if there is anything else we could gather to make your case and defense even stronger.”

He nods numbly as he watches the twin walk out of the room.

Matt ruffles his hair and says with a certain tone, “You are a lot better than your father will ever be. You are a lot better than your father expected. You were, are and will never be worthless.”

“That’s why he’s going to Court, after all. Only the best for the Court,” Kevin adds.

He grins up at them and accepts Matt manhandling his hair.

He catches Wymack and Abby and smiles warmly at their encouraging gazes.

“I wanna hug you! Can we hug you?” Nicky cries.

Neil begrudgingly opens his arms and in a second, he is enveloped by several pairs of arms. He is in the center of their weird group hug and he is surrounded by his family’s warmth, love and understanding. He was raised in a fucked up environment. He was brought up with memories that will haunt him his whole life.

And that’s alright because he was lost, found, found and found.

It would take him years to heal but knowing the Foxes are beside him every step of the way, Neil knows he would be fine in the end.

They are a bunch of fucked up individuals but that’s fine. They are Neil’s family and he will have them any other way. After all, after everything they witnessed, they stayed.

 

Neil finds Andrew on the rooftop. He is about to sit silently beside the blond when Andrew growls, “I wanna touch you.”

He stops in his tracks. “How?”

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” He answers. Of course. He sits beside Andrew and turns his body when Andrew did. He accepts it when Andrew grabs the back of his neck and pulls him closer. He heaves a sigh when the goalkeeper leans his forehead against Neil’s.

Neil can feel how tense Andrew still is through the pinch between Andrew’s brows. “Don’t tell me your bastard of a father was also what caused your jumpiness with touch.”

He wants to lie but knows better than to do so with Andrew in this state. He nods. “He manhandled my mom and I. But if I even lay a finger on his arm or any part of his body, he would immediately slam me against the wall, choke me, slice me or slapped me. _That_ made me jumpy with being touched and touching someone without consent.”

He knows this information isn’t making anything better. Andrew growls under his breath and keeps Neil even closer. It feels like having Neil close is the last thing stopping Andrew from inflicting violence on something or himself.

Neil closes his eyes and smiles slightly. “Trust me, I would kill him myself if I could. But he’s dead and he left with lots of forget-me-not. He had been a looming figure of darkness in my life for almost two decades. He gave me scars, memories and nightmares. Every time I look on the mirror, I see a part of him on me.

It will take years before I not flinch at the sight of my reflection, years before I get used with bath tubs, years before cemeteries make me not feel like I would be buried next, years before anytime I hear something pop, I wouldn’t immediately try to hide because I think it’s a gun shot. Healing would take me years, decades. But him dead helps. The Foxes’ understanding and warmth helps. You and your constant presence helps.”

Andrew slowly loses the tension in his body as minutes pass by. He loosens his hold on Neil’s neck a bit and whispers, “We have years ahead of us for creating new forget-me-not’s and to heal.”

“Will you be there for me?”

“You’re menace and I couldn’t get rid of you anyway.”

He chuckles and leans his forehead on Andrew shoulder. “Can I hug you, Andrew?”

“You can touch me ‘til my waist.”

He giddily nods and wraps his arms around the goalkeeper. He snuggles into Andrew’s chest and inhales his favourite smell in the world.

Andrew hugs him back albeit with tighter grip. “You’re Neil Josten. Your past doesn’t define you. Who you parents were don’t define you. You’re strong for surviving ‘til this moment.”

He smiles on Andrew’s chest and murmurs a teary, “Thank you.”

“Sleep, junkie. I’ll try to keep your demons at bay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Trust me when I say it was kinda hard to write Nathan without it transforming into Nathaniel. Their names confused me for a little bit HAHA
> 
> Anyway, there you go. I just ripped my heart and this was the result. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> PLEASE DO LEAVE A KUDOS AND/OR COMMENTS. THEY GIVE ME LIFE FUEL.


End file.
